can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
