Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
