Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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