Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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