so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
