you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
