That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
