I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
