finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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