I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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