i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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