wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize