I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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