I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
