dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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