Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
