FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
