i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
