he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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