Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
