someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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