hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
