I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize