Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
