Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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