you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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