It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
