I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize