don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
