so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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