checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
