I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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