Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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