then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
