Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
