can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
be right there i have to get my cape
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
