Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
