If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
