She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
