no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
