I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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