I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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