Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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