So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
