Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
