by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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