I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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