And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need water and some morals
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
