was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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