Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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