we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
