The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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