it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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