im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
