There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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