bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
