I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
