the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
