The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
