There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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