Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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