i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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