The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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