Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
