Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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