This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
