..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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