My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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