you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
