Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
