Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
