The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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