So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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