when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
