I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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