had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
